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Fostering presumptions Blog

Emma’s Fostering Blog

‘Never presume.’

Adam had arrived as an emergency from home; he was small for 8 and looked more like 5.

After settling in and having a good meal tonight, I ran him a bath and while I got him a towel and a spare pair of pyjamas Adam just stripped off naked and was standing in the hallway, eventually Adam got into the bath but he just sat there looking blank.

After a while it was apparent that he needed help, perhaps no one had shown him. When he got out of the bath he just stood there, and then he got upset asking for help because he couldn’t dry himself. Adam was even unable to put his pyjamas on as he kept putting both legs in one leg, he needed a lot of guidance and it took a long time until he managed it, he was then very pleased with himself.

Before bedtime Adam seemed reluctant to go to the toilet, but did, then he came down stairs quite excited stating “I did a huge big wee in the toilet” I thought this very odd, but we praised him anyway and he seemed happy.

I settled him in bed and he started crying that he wanted his mum and dad, then a string of complaints such as having tummy ache, headache sore arm and felt sick. I reassured him that it would be OK and read him a story, and bid him goodnight.

Adam was in and out of his room crying wanting mum and dad and wanting to put his shoes on to go home, eventually we managed to get him to sleep for a few hours. This was heart breaking to watch every night the same thing screaming for his parents, trying to comfort him was incredibly difficult.

After a couple of weeks it just stopped as he accepted he had to stay with us for now. Adam was very withdrawn, almost depressed, had little energy and hardly spoke, Adam needed nurturing, to learn and be allowed to become more independent for his age. We found out that Adam had been kept as a baby at home, he still used a potty to go to the toilet, it made sense then how pleased he was just to be able to use the toilet and achieve for himself. 

It’s now 7 months later; School are pleased with the change in Adam, since being with us, he is really achieving at School, and Adam is also doing well at home as he can now dress himself and takes pride in being smart and clean. 

My thoughts are as a child learns how to be more independent, it’s important to let them know how proud you are of them. Getting dressed, putting away toys, and brushing their own teeth may not seem like a huge deal, but it really is when you are a foster carer.

Emma – A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!