Emma’s fostering blog
Guilt
Dan is globally delayed and functions much younger than his peers, he has special needs, recently we have seen a certain maturity about him and he is starting to question why he came into care.
As Dan has lived with us since he was 5 years old his memories are confusing for him, as he often gets mixed up thinking he did certain things with his birth family when actually he did them with us. This is quite difficult for us, especially finding a way to explain at his level of understanding and at times he is challenging me, but It does help that he has his life story book, lots of photos and memory books that we can look at together, Dan is very dependent on us to provide so much for him but unfortunately I can’t take the bad memories away, and I have to be mindful that I am providing new positive memories for him of his time with us.
I must be honest it’s not helping when he has contact, as it doesn’t seem to really be about him, just the parents, they have learning difficulties, it’s not their fault, so they don’t know how to respond to his needs, he asks them questions but they can’t respond in a way he wants them to, so I think we are hearing some make believe and reality and in his own way he is trying to resolve his feelings about his family.
It’s been a difficult week and now Dan is going into respite, I know he is anxious because this has been the topic of conversation from him all week, even counting down the sleeps, this is just his way of coping and even though I know this, but hearing he would rather be with his respite carers somehow upsets me. Last night he was trying to organise me!
Making sure I had remembered to pack his most favourite things including our family photo of his favourite time together, we always say to him ‘when you look at this we want you to know we are thinking of you, I know he finds comfort in that. I have been told the picture is the first item to get unpacked, then Sponge bob who he never sleeps without and who goes everywhere with him. On the way to School he wanted to reassure me that he was coming back- ‘don’t worry I will be back’ he stated and I chuckled to myself, we had a hug and I reassured him he was definitely coming back as this was his home and I loved him.
My thoughts are every time he goes to into respite the guilt hits me like a ton of bricks, because I never think anyone will care about him as I do. Then I think to myself this is a difficult job and I’m doing the best I can, I need this time out to recharge and just be me.
