Plans are made, all parties are aware of our plans and that is that. James’ (name changed) Mum is aware that James does not want to see her all time that she dictates where and when she will meet him.
It’s been a difficult few days with lots of withheld calls and rather abusive messages but we’ve just got on with stuff. It was slightly sinister when we got messages from a man who is a ‘friend’ of Mum threatening violence if James couldn’t see her.
Both James and I were aware of why Mum wanted to see him and that was because of money, no more no less. It happened to a certain degree last year and we spotted it then. James had recalled Christmas’ before where there were no gifts, no tree, no dinner but Mum’s ‘friends’ around all getting stoned while James was confined to his room.
There had been talk of James having ‘visitors’ to his room but he had never said anymore on that matter.
So we had to go and buy some more things from the shop. I wanted to get some fruit and some more healthy options to eat as most of the food in the house was going to make us fat. So the plan was Christmas Eve would be prep day where we got everything ready for Christmas Day.
In the evening we would watch a film and get a takeaway. Christmas Day would be busy with various people coming in and some staying for dinner. James wouldn’t see Paige as she was going to see family. After dinner we would vegetate and watch TV.
Boxing Day James was going over to Paige and I was going to one of my boys for the day. James was staying over at Paige’s Boxing Day night so I would be home alone with the Quality Street. We hadn’t made any plans after that other than exercise and diet to shed the excess of the three previous days.
Christmas is an emotional time for everybody. Thoughts of Christmases past with family and friends who are no longer with us. For young people in care it must be doubly hard. Knowing that your parents are nearby but you are not with them.
I remember a placement some years ago where the young people’s parents had divorced and the Mum had met another partner. The Mum and new partner then had a child of their own and the children had been pushed aside and then put in care.
While the children were in care with us the Mum had another baby with her new partner. One Christmas Mum plastered her social media with pictures of her, her new partner and their 2 children.
Mum had titled the pictures ‘Christmas with my little family’ which had really upset the children who were in care with us.
When Mum was questioned about it she didn’t know what the fuss was about and couldn’t see why the children were upset. I suppose maternal instinct isn’t the same for everyone.
Fosterman – A Single Male Blogging Foster Carer.