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James (name changed) came to me and said he wanted to talk about Mum. He had decided, after all, that he didn’t want to see Mum even for a short contact. I asked why and he said that he didn’t think Mum actually wanted to see him but only wanted to get something out of him and that isn’t right.

I told him that I would support him in whatever he wanted to do, or not do. I said that I would talk to the Social Worker and make them aware. I think Paige and her parents had talked to him about seeing Mum and had said a few home truths to him.

I didn’t feel that I could be like that with him because I would be criticised by Social Services and be accused of being too involved.

So I wasn’t disappointed that they had made their feelings known to him. However, I also knew that I would have to be the bad guy that spoke to his Social Worker. So I called his Social Worker and told her what James had asked. I made it clear that I hadn’t spoken to him prior to him making his decision.

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The Social Worker said that it put her in a difficult situation, which I understood. However, this was part of her role and she would have to sort it out. We finished the call and then I emailed my link-worker to update her. I then received a call from the Social Worker’s manager.

Her tone was a bit aggressive from the start of the call. Did I influence James?

Had I spoken negatively about Mum? My response was pretty quick and to the point. The decision was totally James’ and I played no part in it, in fact, I had asked James if he was 100% sure and he had said yes he was.

I didn’t think she was convinced but, to be frank, I didn’t really care. The fact that James had made this decision was the most important thing as far I was concerned.

Nothing else really mattered. I ended the conversation by inviting her to come and meet with James and talk to him if she had any concerns about what I was telling her. She said she might do that and I pressed her for a time and day but she didn’t commit.

When James got home I sat and told him about what had been said and he was apologetic and said that he was sorry about causing any problems. I told him that he hadn’t and that he had just made it clear what he felt and there was nothing wrong with that.

James got quite emotional and I realised what a difficult decision it must have been for him. He disappeared into his room for a while and then came back in for dinner.

During dinner, he asked if I thought he was being cruel or unfair to his Mum and I said that I didn’t think so, I then asked if he thought that and he replied no.

Fosterman’s Blogging Diary. 

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