Foster Carer Blog
James (name changed) came to me and said he wanted to talk about Mum. He had decided, after all, that he didn’t want to see Mum even for a short contact. I asked why and he said that he didn’t think Mum actually wanted to see him but only wanted to get something out of him and that isn’t right.
I told him that I would support him in whatever he wanted to do, or not do. I said that I would talk to the Social Worker and make them aware. I think Paige and her parents had talked to him about seeing Mum and had said a few home truths to him.
I didn’t feel that I could be like that with him because I would be criticised by Social Services and be accused of being too involved.
So I wasn’t disappointed that they had made their feelings known to him. However, I also knew that I would have to be the bad guy that spoke to his Social Worker. So I called his Social Worker and told her what James had asked. I made it clear that I hadn’t spoken to him prior to him making his decision.
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The Social Worker said that it put her in a difficult situation, which I understood. However, this was part of her role and she would have to sort it out. We finished the call and then I emailed my link-worker to update her. I then received a call from the Social Worker’s manager.
Her tone was a bit aggressive from the start of the call. Did I influence James?
Had I spoken negatively about Mum? My response was pretty quick and to the point. The decision was totally James’ and I played no part in it, in fact, I had asked James if he was 100% sure and he had said yes he was.
I didn’t think she was convinced but, to be frank, I didn’t really care. The fact that James had made this decision was the most important thing as far I was concerned.
Nothing else really mattered. I ended the conversation by inviting her to come and meet with James and talk to him if she had any concerns about what I was telling her. She said she might do that and I pressed her for a time and day but she didn’t commit.
When James got home I sat and told him about what had been said and he was apologetic and said that he was sorry about causing any problems. I told him that he hadn’t and that he had just made it clear what he felt and there was nothing wrong with that.
James got quite emotional and I realised what a difficult decision it must have been for him. He disappeared into his room for a while and then came back in for dinner.
During dinner, he asked if I thought he was being cruel or unfair to his Mum and I said that I didn’t think so, I then asked if he thought that and he replied no.
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