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Fostering Loss

Fostering Loss

Emma’s Fostering Blog


Understandably John is beside himself at the thought of his younger brothers going for adoption and his mother rejecting him, recently he had flash backs and disclosed some information which has been passed to his social worker. John is just about holding it together but I am afraid he is going to blow soon as there is so much going on in his head.

Today is contact- John came down in a pair of tracksuit bottoms that are old and have ripped pockets. The Social worker mentioned on a previous contact that his mother had complained about his clothes so I asked John politely if he could change into something else as he has clothing allowance and has built up a nice collection of clothes.

John immediately snapped at me, defiant he was wearing those or he wouldn’t go, and he didn’t talk all the way to contact.

I dropped him off and he left without saying goodbye. Later that day, imagine my surprise when I had a call from the Social worker to say that Johns mother was very upset that I had called her son a ‘tramp’ and ‘threatened him’;

John stated that I had told him unless he changed into something else I threatened not to take him to contact. Later I spoke to John about what he had told his mother at contact, John seemed surprised and denied it then going on the defensive and his mood changed. 

I explained to John that I found his behaviour concerning as none of it was true, I wanted him to know that by telling lies if something really happened people might not believe him, to cause such an issue over a pair of trousers was silly. There was a full blown outburst of swearing before stomping up the stairs into his room. 10 minutes later he was back down calm and laughing with my son.

On the next contact I was phoned again this time John had complained he had lost 2 stone in weight because the food here was such small portions. John had been missing breakfast now for a few days and asking for a sandwich in the evening rather than a hot meal, he told me he didn’t have much of an appetite.

I was concerned so I contacted school to find out what he was having for lunch, just as I thought he was not being honest with me, he was eating plenty. By now I knew John could be manipulative playing one of against the other. I felt relieved that I had kept such good notes and had built a relationship with his Social worker

My thoughts are John is hurting, he needs counselling but until then, having prompt actions and clear explanations for him will help him feel really cared for and get some of his experiences into perspective.

A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!

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