Emma’s fostering blog
As Mother’s day is approaching we are mindful that this is a difficult time for our foster children they really miss their family and worry if they are happy, and I’m often asked if I think their mum is thinking of them. I find at this time I reflect on those who sadly don’t have their mothers or grandmothers still with them.
Although my mum is no longer with us I’m grateful for the time that she was and I will be celebrating her life this Mother’s Day. I know first-hand what pain it can cause a child who is growing up in an environment which may be different to their school friends. At School they are making mother’s day cards which can also make them sad and can add to the fact that they are different.
In the early years with Dan it was difficult for him, I didn’t want to make a fuss just in case, as I knew he was hurting so much from constant rejections from his mother, she just kept letting him down by never turning up to contact, never sending a birthday or Christmas card. However, one day our foster children may be parents so it’s also important that they experience how families do come together to celebrate and how it is possible to change their own experiences into positive experiences for their children.
It’s very different now because he claimed me a long time ago as his Mum, as he got older he made an incredibly difficult decision as a teenager and he decided not to see her, of course I tried and the social worker tried to change his mind, but he stuck to it and actually in a way it was probably the best thing he ever did. He seemed to relax and achieve and he became more invested with us.
Dan always buys such thoughtful and lovely cards, with words that have brought tears to my eyes many times, he completely feels and is part of our family and our wider family. I am so pleased that I made a pact to myself to never give up fighting for this once small complex child, no matter how difficult it became and I’m so glad I took permanency on him. Our adult birth children have been incredible with the children we foster; they are so supportive of them, accepting them as family even during special times when they have had to share with them on their special day.
My thoughts are we all understand our need for mothers, but there are probably a number of different adults in our lives who have stepped into that role; provided us with a safe space, looked after us, listened to us, loved us and as a Foster carer we can do that too for the children who can’t be with their mums on this special day.
Emma – A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!