Emma’s Fostering Blogs are by an experienced foster carer who gives you an honest and revealing insight into the ups and downs of foster care. A great resource for other carers and those interested in becoming carers.

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Fostering | Too Trusting

Emma’s Fostering Blog

Too Trusting

We went to Cornwall over the Easter break; because of Dan’s needs we always do a risk assessment as he is emotionally young for his age so we are aware of risk and the need to be extra vigilant.

But sometimes no matter how much you try to protect them, things do happen and it’s about young people learning from their experiences, and its better they do this in a safe way while you are able to guide them.

I was packing up the car to head home, two older men came out of a house, they said ‘Morning’ so I replied the same, but one of the men stated ‘where’s my Dan’ I was quite shocked. It turned out while we were taking the cases out of the car and into the property when we arrived somehow he had been approached by the men who asked his name, age and where he was from, and Dan innocently had told them everything they wanted to know.

This shows how vulnerable and trusting Dan is and we had further conversations about stranger danger, not giving out any information about himself or by being too trusting of his peers. This is ongoing when you are a foster carer many children are too trusting and so easy to fall victim to people that want to cause them harm.

Children who have problems communicating might have limited ability to learn about safety and danger. Dan is very impulsive and fails to think about the results of his actions so we use role play to help him and show what he should do if he is at risk and we practice over and over again, hoping that eventually this will sink in.

I do worry all the time because I’m not sure how much Dan understands, at the moment he is still very protected but there will be occasions when he won’t be with me, he has communication issues so he may not be able to tell me if anything happened as he doesn’t really understand what abuse is or what acts are abusive.

Physically he looks like any other 16 year old  he is a big lad and mature, when you get to know him its very clear that emotionally he is much younger, having a hidden disability can create issues, especially as emotionally he is younger this reflects in his play and the younger friends he has.  Dan is achieving and catching up but he still needs all the support, boundaries and routine he has in place. Most importantly he needs us to keep him safe and he will need this for some time to come.

My thoughts are many children and young people live with hidden disabilities – conditions which don’t have physical signs but are painful, exhausting and isolating. Sympathy and understanding from others can often be in short supply and especially from other parents.

Emma – A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!

Fostering Blogs

Selective Mute Blog

Emma’s fostering blog

Selective mute

James almost 18 and challenging because he is a selective mute (a phobia of speaking) he is also autistic. 

James would find it difficult in independent living as he needs constant prompts to just do every day things so he will be transitioning into Shared Lives; adult services and he will remain with us.

As his Foster carers it can be frustrating communicating with him and difficult in building a relationship. He has never spoken to any of us at home and we have never pressed this issue we just offer alternative methods so he can communicate his needs.

He doesn’t always nod, however he can write so we are constantly prompting him to use this method on his i-pad so we can know what his needs are and so he can take part in decision making meetings about him.

Although he is a selective mute we have to encourage him to join in by writing things down, thumbs up or down, nodding yes or no. It can be difficult at times when he ignores you completely, not acknowledging by shaking his head or nodding and has to be told.

Everyone includes James in conversation even if he chooses not to acknowledge this at times, and he will often rely on adults to talk on his behalf, and often the other adults end up turning to me for the answers, but I try and throw it back to James.

We are working on his independence skills; buying clothes, doing his laundry and learning to cook and budget. He has to have prompts to do things and he has a white board in his room to remind with everyday tasks; shower, wash his hair and dry it properly, use deodorant, shave or clean his teeth. We do worry as James is a loner; he has no friends, although he gets on well with the younger foster child and likes to links up on his games. Usually I can tell if he is happy because he likes to play Jokes which shows he has a sense of humour, smiles quite a lot. It is difficult as James does not care about his personal effects, easy come easy go; just replaces items with his DLA and James would be happy to just stay in his room all day and play games if he were allowed. Very firm boundaries work well for him; he is now in a good routine, likes College, is making progress, and now taking part in enrichment; from playing computer games all the time, now likes playing board and card games. We have spent some years looking for specialist help for him but really there isn’t anything out there that can help.

My thoughts are children and young people with special needs, even those with the most complex and challenging needs have different capabilities regarding decision-making, but they can make choices and achieve with ongoing support.

Emma – A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!

Fostering Blogs

Fostering | Maths

Emma’s fostering blog

Maths

Jack is 15 and it wasn’t long before we figured out that he was struggling with the everyday life concept of maths, and he still uses his fingers to count instead of using more sophisticated strategies.

We have all known that he does not always retain the information he has learned and so maths, money and time are his weakness. Jack has lots missing from his early years, concept of time, times table, the cost or how much change he should get back. I won’t always be here to help him and I want to teach him budgeting skills as one day he will be independent.

Jack has his pocket money, lunch and clothing money paid weekly into his bank account, he also has a direct debit going out for a magazine he is collecting. He has online banking to keep an eye on what he is spending, we managed to convince him to not have a contactless card because this was causing problems, however he still manages to spend his money too quickly which leaves him with nothing for the rest of the week.

It was my birthday, Jack loves celebrating any special occasions and always buys me such lovely cards and the words are just beautiful. This year he asked what I would like, I explained a card would be nice and perhaps just a token gift, not to spend money that he hasn’t got.

When I opened my present there was a beautiful candle in a jar, what a nice gesture, however I knew this wasn’t cheap. I saw this exact candle when I was out and as I thought it cost a lot. The next day Jack told me he hadn’t any money in his account and seemed surprised by this, but on further investigation he had spent all of his money on me.

After discussing the lovely but rather expensive present I ended up bailing him out and so I ended up paying for my own present.  He really struggles and we have many  issues we have to help him with; spending on online gaming, getting in debt because he has signed up to a trial, but forgotten to cancel it after the period is up and so money comes out.

On Monday Jack told me his money had not gone into his account so he didn’t have any, I thought it odd, but paid the amount in for him, but money did go in later that day; he ended up spending that money and the other money too.

My thoughts are occasionally we have to be that tough parent, he can make mistakes while he is in a safe place; he owed the money and now in debt he had to pay it back. If he was in his own place he would have been in trouble, no one to bail him out and so how would he manage with no money.

Emma – A Blogging Foster Carer – I Love What I Do!